How about not

Now that the weather is milding up, I’m trying to defy my vampiric tendencies and take advantage of sunrises off the balkon, especially on dramatic sleepless mornings (per the recent trend). However the challenge is finding that sweet spot between the soft blushing of dawn and total solar annihilation …

Yesterday on T’s suggestion, going out to chill on the balkon really helped with B’s early AM tooth-drama-plus-fever meltdown. Wore him in the Ergo, bouncing him into another fitful slumber to the point that I could finally sit myself down amid the houseplants recently relocated to optimize winter-stunted photosynthetic habits.

Me too, you guys, me too.

Just taking it all in, the early neighborhood vibes, the humid calm, the subdued clank and bustle of the Bäckerei downstairs, the sun creeping up but not yet over the sloped roofs of the apartment houses across the way.

A chorus of crow voices in the direction of F-Allee, and I saw a throng of maybe two dozen crows making these wide circles in the air. At first I thought maybe they were mobbing another bird, thoughts turning back to the time I witnessed the beach ravens in SF mobbing a hawk. Or maybe it was a clash between different crow factions? But in watching them further, they didn’t seem angry. If anything they seemed to be in the process of generating energy, psyching themselves up for the day, circling and sailing and diving and cawing. I watched as individual crows peeled off and went their own way. The spiraling bird cloud thinned and in due course dissipated.

And eventually I went back inside with B.

This morning, following an improved night’s sleep for both of us, and despite a reduction in B’s fever and, dare I say it, a slight improvement in his mood, I still ended up with him in the Ergo. And after some failed efforts at rocking while typing at the keyboard on the changing-table-turned-standing-desk, I thought, oh but the balcony would be nice.

However completely underestimated the power of the sun in its full blinding glory as the fiery body had not only cleared the veil of apartment houses but was now glaring furiously off the glass sunroofs across the way.

Initially tried to push through the curtain in spite of this, making some ridiculous effort to shield B’s eyes from morning inferno and at the same time thinking, yes, sun and air will do us good, my eyes so impossibly dazzled I didn’t even see all the bees/wasps (too bright for accurate identification) flitting through the desiccated blooms of the rose bush which looms over the bench where we would normally sit. Didn’t see them at first, but heard the fierce hum and whine of their wings in the air around my head.

As such, I quickly ducked back into the welcome gloom of the bedroom, letting the curtain fall back in place behind us.

“How about not,” I said to B. “How about not.”

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