25 minutes

9:44am. Distracted. Writing from the coat room at B’s Kita, having just left him with his person. Trennung machen. Can hear little B in the other room. But to be fair, he’s calming down already. Go, little B! So—

Been meaning to come back to this blog. And I want to try to account for the gross passage of time since my last post. It’s a continuity thing for me. Like explaining a gap in your resume. But more like a black hole, devouring all information.

And maybe I kind of stopped writing because I really wanted to resist this thing turning into a mom-blog. But face it, lately I have very little else going on besides momming.

Anyway, things really stepped up the pace in the 2nd half of 2018. Really it’s since a little after B turned 1 and T started at the new jerb. Devouring. Momming it got kind of intense. Luckily I’ve been fairly religious about my phone spreadsheet micro-journaling, otherwise it would all be such a blur. Such a blur even with the spreadsheet tbh. Some notes are too cryptic. Too much information lost.

The main thing: sickness. For us 2018 was definitely our year of Pestilence. As if my coming down with the worst flu of the past 10 years was a harbinger of things to come. When Fall arrived, pretty much as soon as the temps started dipping, from the beginning of October through the end of December, first one thing and then another. And then a stacking and fishtailing of maladies, so much physical reminder, YOU ARE MORTAL, YOU MUST SUFFER.

—B crying again. We were up at 5am this morning. Almost 10:00 now, he’ll probably fall asleep on the walk home later.—

Anyhow, a brief accounting of the gauntlet that was the end of last year, just so we can revel in having survived it. I’ll have to consult my spreadsheet …

Mid-July: end of T’s Elternzeit and start of the new jerb

August: spamming Kitas; offered a spot at a Kita 40min away; Aug 29 signed Kita contract for a November start

October: B sick/snotty; me stomach flu; T stomach flu; me sprained ankle (4 days acute phase + 5-6 weeks mending); T kidney stone; B sick/cough going into Nov; T to London (during kidney stone episode)

November: B sick/HFM; me sick/HFM; me corneal abrasion (B poked me in the eye) + resulting eye infection; Nov 22 1st day of Kita

December: B sick (1) upper airway + ear infection, given antibiotics; me sick (1), also antibiotics; B mega constipation; B sick/cough (2); me sick/cough (2); me rib pain (intercostal strain? fracture?) + acute bronchitis (rib pain thru mid Feb)

Pace has since abated a bit. 2019 has been mostly free of plague and in Jan/Feb characterized by complications with the construction going on above us (worthy of their own essay) and earlier this month the sudden fortunate change to a new Kita in our own neighborhood (a process also better described separately).

So we breathe a bit. We look up and forward a bit. And contemplate a child soon turning 2, soon at Kita eingewöhnt, where I can perhaps soon go to a cafe, alone, and enjoy a coffee and some cake and an unhurried notebook.

—Fingers cramping. I only have 25min here, 9min remaining.—

I usually keep a running dialogue (monologue) in my head, the things I’d like to write if I had the opportunity. But then faced with paper or screen I’m later a blank. And then suddenly it’s 3/4 of a year further down life’s unrelenting treadmill.

I fumble the formation of letters now, running them together on the page. No time to return for undotted i’s. Honestly what is the point? The brain fills in the gaps anyway, we only need the smallest structures to call back the information, to summon again the ghosts.

—B crying a bit again. Or is that a ghost too?—

Who knows anymore? Except that evidently 25min is something I can start to work with. 25min, oh blessed interval.

—Time’s up. Ok B, I’m coming for you.

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